


Hubris's Downfall

by mphs95



Series: The Bones Collection [3]
Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humiliation, Revenge, Video, Washington Nationals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6866164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mphs95/pseuds/mphs95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after 11 x 15. Oliver's superiority complex has caused him to cross a line with Jessica & Aubrey. She, Aubrey, Arastoo, Wendell, and Clark are also stewing about Oliver's bet with their mentor Doctor Brennan humiliated her. Suddenly, the redhead comes up with a plan. Do they succeed in putting Oliver Wells in his place. Rated 'T' for language & suggestive situation</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hubris's Downfall

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Oliver bugged the shit out of me in Thursday's episode. This story popped in my head Friday morning and I had to get it out so I could work on other stories. Based on my fellow Bones fans at Bonesology, I was not the only one to feel this way. I hope you folks enjoy the purging as much as I did after writing this today.
> 
> I may do one for Karen, too if I still am annoyed by her the next few days. I so wanted to open a can of whoop ass on her for her shit with Aubrey during most of the episode.

                A body was found in Constitutional Gardens wrapped in a sheet with one side floating in the edge of the duck pond by a college couple making out nearby.  The Jeffersonian lab along with Booth and Aubrey were at the scene by 6:30 AM.  Luckily Aubrey managed to scrounge a donut before arrival.

* * *

                While the two agents were questioning witnesses, Cam and Jessica were looking over the pulled remains, a mix of bones and flesh.

                “So when does Doctor B come back?”

                “A week from Monday.  Surgeon ordered her on bed rest for the first few days and no activity at home and she’s not allowed to come to work.”

                “She’s off for two weeks?  Doctor B will feel better but she’s going to hate being stuck at home for that long.”

                “Pretty standard for a laparoscopic cholecystectomy.  I did consent to have her remote in so she could go over your findings as well as the other interns.”

                “Works for me.”

                Cam looked down at the remains.  “So, I’m seeing an expensive pair of pants and a shirt.  I can’t see this body being in there too long.  The item outside of the skin remaining looks like part of a penis.”

                “We’re missing parts, though.  Doctor B hates that.”

                “She does, but we’ll find them.  What do you see?”

                Before Jessica could answer, Aubrey bounded over to the ladies.  “Sorry, I had to help Booth with that witness.  What can you tell me about the victim here, Jess?”

                Realizing his faux pas, he looked at Cam.  “I mean you, too Cam.”

                The pathologist smiled at how the agent’s focus always turned back to Jessica.  “It’s fine.  Well, I was about to ask Jessica to give me a general opinion with what we have.”

                “Well, even though we’re missing an arm, leg, and part of the skull, I can tell you that the supraorbital ridges as does the pelvic inlet indicate that the decedent is male.  That confirms your findings of the remaining sexual organs.”

                The ladies missed Aubrey’s face and pulling up of his pants as Jessica was feeling the victim’s teeth.  “Wear on the incisors indicate the victim is in his early to mid-fifties.”

                Aubrey wrote the information down.  “See anything that could point to cause of death?”

                Before anyone could talk, a loud annoying sound was heard.

                “Have no fear, Doctor Oliver Wells is here to help the FBI with his expertise.”

                “I’ll call the lab to get the platform set up.”  Cam said before walking away.  “Jessica, go ahead and inform Aubrey of any more of your findings.”

                “Yes, Ma’am.”

                When Cam walked away, Jessica turned to Aubrey.  “I am not seeing—“

                “There’s no way to determine cause of death just based on what we see, Agent Aubrey.  Surely, you know that by now.  Jessica, you know how Doctor Brennan frowns upon that.”

                 The agent didn't miss his girlfriend's cheeks turn beet red and her eyes turn a scary shade of green before looking back at him. "No, Aubrey, nothing definitive here yet besides a hole on top of the skull that we have. However, we'll be able to tell you more after we get the body back to the Jeffersonian and do an exam."

                 "With I will assist with since I'm senior intern for this case, Jessica."

                 "You're Hodgins for this case, Oliver so you get to collect for trace."

                "I'm the senior intern.  I have seniority over you."

                "Ten months, Oliver, but I've worked on three digs while obtaining my masters before starting at the lab while you've worked on zero."  Jessica said before muttering, “Plus I have secure enough in myself to not feel threatened by the grades of a six year old."

                Before Oliver could retort, Booth walked up to his least favorite intern.  "Sorry to break it to you buddy, but Cam told me—ugh God. Hate the floaters."

                The senior agent composed himself for a moment before finishing what he said with a smile and slapping Oliver hard behind the back to the point he almost fell forward. "Cam told me, Oliver that since you're Hodgins in the field today that you will remain to find the body parts we're missing as well as collecting all nearby trace evidence for Bug Boy."

                “But—but—“

                “Before you go back to your search, Doctor Wells, “ Cam said as she returned to the scene.  “Please assist Jessica with bringing the gurney and specimen containers back here.”

                “Of course.”  Oliver said with a tight smile before walking towards the Jeffersonian van. 

                Jessica was moving when Aubrey quickly put his hand under her arm and assisted her.  “Let me help you up.”

                “Thank you, Aubrey.”  The redhead said with a smile before walking away.

                The junior agent continued to watch his girlfriend when he heard Booth say, “Aubrey, moon your girlfriend away from the crime scene, please.  You’re a federal agent.”

                Cam looked up at Booth with a knowing smile.  “I seem to remember a federal agent that would give death stares to anyone who looked at his partner at a crime scene, Seeley.”

                “Don’t call me Seeley, Camille.”

                "Don't call me Camille, Seeley."

                Seeing the stare off the old friends were giving the other, the younger agent cleared his throat.  “I think that I – ahem- will go question the next witness.”

                Booth ended the stare off to look at Aubrey.  “You do that.”

                Aubrey headed back when he heard two distinct voices.  Turning, he saw the Jeffersonian van and the interns talking.

                _“So, how about dinner tonight?”_

                Jessica unlocked the back doors to the van.  “Um, no way in hell.”

                "Come on Jessica. We're perfect for each other. We're both gingers, polymaths, anthropologists…"

                “No.  Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I have a boyfriend.”

                “Oh come on, Agent Aubrey?  He’s a cop with average intelligence.”

                Aubrey heard Jessica’s response.  _“Actually, he graduated at the top of his class in law school and at the FBI Academy.  His intelligence knows no bounds…”_

                Aubrey felt himself blush for a moment at Jessica’s description of him as he continued to listen.

                “ _You seem to have a thing for tall men.  What makes him better than me?_

                Jessica pulled a large handled case towards the opening of the van.  “Well, he’s handsome, funny, charming, always a gentleman, and isn’t a dick like you who had to prove a six year old cheated somehow because you had to best Doctor B in something.  Unlike you, Aubrey has nothing to prove to anyone because he has actual friends, not the ones from academia you make up.”

                Aubrey’s anger at Oliver making a pass at Jessica broke when he snickered at Jessica’s burn.  It came back with a vengeance when the man spoke again.

                _“You’re attracted to me, face it.”_

_"No, you make me want to vomit, but I'm mature enough to work with you because if I can survive you, I can work anywhere."_

 _“It’s not like you’re opposed to workplace sex.  I heard about your date with_ _Doctor Sweets_ _when you started at the lab.  Rumor has it that you two destroyed his living room and bedroom.”_

_“That’s none of your business, Oliver and you’re skating very close to sexual harassment.”_

_“Fine, I won’t bring it up again, but you’ll come around, Jessica.  Someday you’ll realize that I’m your match.  I have a vast intelligence in…many things.”_

_"I haven't come around in two years, Oliver and I won't because what I get from Aubrey hasn't been nor can ever be matched by any other man, intellectually and sexually."_

                Jessica grabbed the case from the vehicle.  “Now come on, Oliver.  The gurney won’t move itself and you have body parts to find.”

                Oliver watched her walk away.  “Say whatever you want, Jessica.  You will go on a date with me and we’ll have sex that will overshoot whatever cheap gimmicks Agent Aubrey gives you.”

                "Whatever, Oliver."

                Aubrey watched Oliver follow Jessica and could feel his finger itch to get his gun out and shoot the pompous ass.  He tries to undermine his girlfriend then asks her out behind his back.  He felt a slight twinge thinking about her and Sweets, but he knew it for what it was, a one night stand several months before they met.  Besides, from what she told Doctor Wells, Sweets wasn’t the best she had in bed. 

                He, James Aubrey was.

                Remembering he had to question a witness, Aubrey took a deep breath before heading over.

* * *

                 Wendell was retrieving equipment for Hodgins from another part of the Jeffersonian when he overheard people talking.  He began to walk away when he heard a familiar name.  Sneaking back, he listened to the six men talking.

                _“You’re full of shit, Wells.”_

_“No, I’m not.”_

_“No way you’re hitting that hot redhead at the forensic lab.”_

_“I’m so hitting it that she screams each time from the many orgasms I give her.”_

_“So Wells, if you are all over that, how is she in the sack?”_

_“She’s great in bed, but incompetent as hell at the lab.  If it wasn’t for me covering for her every time she makes mistakes, Doctor Saroyan would have fired her a long time ago.  She says she was at the top of her class at Michigan State, but if she used any of the tricks on her professors that she uses on me, I can see why they graduated her.”_

                In the room, one of the scientists spoke up.  “Wait, I thought she was dating some FBI agent?”

                “Yeah.  Come on, how does a cog in the Federal Bureau of Investigation compare to all this?”  Oliver said as he gestured to himself.  “Agent Aubrey is a jealous, insecure pain in the ass.  He even follows her to every crime scene she works because he doesn’t trust her.  To make things worse, every time we’re together she complains about how boring and vanilla their sex life is.  ”

                “Whatever, Wells.”  Another scientist said.

                "It's true. She even wore my favorite panties today just because I asked her to. They're white with this sexy black lace trim."

                Wendell's eyes got large.  _'What a fucking bastard.'_

_"Dude, TMI.  Only an asshole would describe his girlfriend's panties."_

_"Or someone full of shit about his sex life and snooped into someone's bag to see what she wore.  Yuck, dude."_

                Deciding he heard enough, he walked away quietly with the equipment. Jessica was his friend and he knew that she's turned down Oliver's overtures ever since she came to intern there. She also would never cheat on Aubrey as the two only recently got together after dancing around each other for over a year.

* * *

                Jessica and Aubrey were at her apartment with an empty pizza box and a bottle of red wine with two empty glasses on the table. On the television  _Night Of The Lepus_  was playing on her Blu Ray player.

                On the couch, Jessica and Aubrey were heavily making out on the couch with him on top of her.  Suddenly, Aubrey pulled her up enough to remove her shirt, revealing a green bra that matched her eyes.  Immediately, the agent let out a small growl before pushing her back down and kissed up and down her chest.  Jessica’s hands were under his shirt caressing his back and jeans clad butt.

                “Jessica…”  Aubrey said in between kisses up to her lips.

                “Yeah…”  She replied before kissing him back.

                “When is your…roommate…coming home?”  Aubrey asked before opening the front clip of Jessica’s bra.

                “She’s…oh God Superman…”  Jessica groaned as the agent’s lips began teasing her breast.  “…at her boyfriend’s…ughhhhhh…tonight.”

                Suddenly the agent stopped.  “All night?”

                Jessica smiled before finding the bottom of Aubrey’s t-shirt.  Pushing him up, she helped him remove it before tossing it next to his sweater on the floor.

                “All night, Aubrey.”

                “Yes!”  He exclaimed before pushing her back on the couch and kissed her.  It wasn’t long before he remembered something.  “Did you—“

                “Took my pill at 4:00 PM on the nose.”  Jessica said before pulling Aubrey back on top of her.  “Now kiss and sexually molest me.”

                “I’ll do more than that.”  Aubrey growled before their lips met again. 

                Aubrey was about to pull the open bra off Jessica when there was a knock on her apartment door.  "Ugh. Your roommate forgot her keys again!" He moaned into her neck.

                “No she didn’t.”  Jessica whispered.  “I watched her leave with them.  Besides she would say it was her.  Just be quiet and they’ll go away.”

                The two went back to what they were doing, but a second set of knocks was heard, louder this time.  Jessica and Aubrey ignored them as her hands went down into his jeans to grab his ass.

                _“Jessica, it’s Wendell.  I know you two are probably making out, but I need to talk to you.”_

Aubrey made a strangled growl sound as he got up off Jessica and retrieved his t-shirt and sweater to put back on.  Jessica clipped her bra back and grabbed her blouse and put it back on.

                “Just a sec, Wendell.”

                Jessica had just finished making herself presentable when Aubrey spoke up.  “I have a slight problem, Jess.”

                She turned and saw what the problem was.  Grabbing a couch pillow from the floor, she tossed it at Aubrey.  “Use this to cover you up.”

                “Great, it will be obvious.”  Aubrey retorted before tossing the pillow aside to stand in the kitchen.

                “Think about Chili Reuben’s Spicemobile or the Chicago White Sox winning the World Series.”  Jessica said before answering the door.  “Wendell, what’s up?”

                “Sorry I came by without calling.  Can I come in?”

                “Yeah, sorry.”

                Wendell walked in and Jessica locked the door.  “What’s wrong?”

                “There’s something you need to know and it’s going to really piss you off.”  The blonde looked at Aubrey standing conspicuously behind the kitchen island.  “You too, dude.”

                Jessica saw Wendell hesitate.  “Wendell, just tell me.  I can’t imagine I’ll go commit murder.  I don’t want my boyfriend to arrest me.”

                Aubrey saw the man’s serious face and his hard on died.  Walking from behind, he came up until he was next to Jessica.  “Out with it.”

                “Oliver is saying shit about you at the Jeffersonian.”

                “So?”  Jessica said.  “I know he tells people that his IQ is higher than mine and that he lies about being in Mensa.  He’s the one with something to prove, not me.”

                “It’s not just that, Jessica.”

                “Then what?  What could he say about me that I’ll care?”

                “It’s not just about you, but also Aubrey.”

                “Wendell, I could care less what people think of me.”  Aubrey said.  “But you have something to say, so say it.”

                Wendell took a deep breath and told them what he had heard earlier.  The further along he spoke, the angrier Aubrey got while Jessica’s face was a mask of no emotion.

                “…and that’s all I heard before I left because frankly it was disgusting.  Jessica, you know that I don’t believe that crap for a second, just like Arastoo and Clark wouldn’t.  Nobody in the lab would.  Besides, if you made so many mistakes, Doctor B would have told Doctor Saroyan to get rid of you a long time ago.”

                “Is there anything else, Wendell?”  Aubrey asked.  When the younger man answered in the negative, the agent spoke.  “Good.”

                He took a step forward before Jessica’s arm blocked his exit.  “You’re not going to find Oliver to kick his ass, Aubrey.  I won’t have you risk your career for that.”

                “But Jess—“

                “No.”  Jessica said firmly before looking at Aubrey and Wendell.  “This guy is such an ass.”

                “What are you going to do, Jessica?”  Wendell asked.

                “I don’t know, yet, but I’ll let you know.  For now, don’t tell anyone but Andie we had this conversation, please.”

                “If you’re sure.”

                “I am.”

                Wendell turned to head out, followed by Aubrey.  “Wendell, thanks for letting us know about that douchebag.”

                “No problem, Man.”  The anthropologist said before peeking at Jessica, who was cleaning up in the living room.  “Dude, she looks too calm right now.”

                “I know.  I’ll take care of her.  Tell Andie we said hi.”

                “I will.  Night.”

                Aubrey shut and locked the door behind Wendell.  He watched Jessica rinse out the wine glasses and cork the bottle.  She looked like she took the news in stride, but the agent knew better as he recognized the stiff spine and tight jaw.

                “What can I do, Jessica?”

                Jessica looked in the living room before turning back to her boyfriend.  “I got everything taken care of so we can just hang out or if you want to take off that’s fine, too.”

                “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

                Jessica closed her eyes for a minute before leaning back against the sink. "You know, I can deal with being hit on since I'm in a predominately male field. I can deal with the nasty comments about my age and intelligence because I know how hard I worked to get to where I am right now and people just don't sleep their way into an internship with the Jeffersonian Forensics Lab. You have to be the best or you're gone. While we interns may technically be competition, we're all, or most of us are all are good friends."

                Jessica opened her eyes and turned to Aubrey, who didn’t miss the unshed tears in them.  “But I can’t deal with how Oliver has to feed his ego by making others feel small.  I mean, he got jealous of a six year old’s report card and humiliated Doctor B by suckering her into a bet that led her to leave that stupid voice mail on his phone.  Me, I can blow him off because I know he's a pathetic worm.”

                A single tear shed and she quickly wiped it away.  “Now, that insecure motherfucker involved you, a person who did nothing to him.  He has so little self-worth that he says outlandish lies to justify the fact to others that he hasn’t gotten into my panties in two years.”

                “Speaking of underwear, you know how he knew about those panties today?”  Jessica asked before laughing.  “I showered after our exam on the platform and put on my lab clothes in the back before carrying my stuff, including the underwear I wore, out to my locker.  I had accidentally dropped them as he walked into the locker room.  Of course, he picked them up before I could, but I snagged them back.”

                She walked up to Aubrey and put his face in her hands.  “Sure, nobody is buying his junk now, but it only takes one person to be stupid enough to believe him.  I won’t let him make you look like a fool, James Aubrey, because I love you.”

                Feeling a stinging in his eyes, Aubrey took her in his arms.  “I love you, too Jessica Warren.”

                They shared a sweet kiss before Jessica broke it.  “How about we go into my bedroom and I show you how un-vanilla you really are?”

                “Sounds like a plan.  Lead the way.”

                Jessica took Aubrey’s hand and led him to her bedroom, where they loved each other on and off throughout the night.

* * *

                The next day, an invigorated Jessica walked into the Jeffersonian caffeinated and ready to go, the extra boost being the shower she had with Aubrey this morning before they left her apartment.

                The other reason for her good mood was she figured out the perfect way to get back at Oliver Wells for being a douche.  She wasn’t doing it just for herself, but for Doctor Brennan and anyone else he felt superior to.  She discussed it with Aubrey when he was driving her to work and he loved it, but wanted her to be careful.  After a quick call to Wendell, he was in and said he would get Arastoo also.

                Arriving at her destination, she walked in and saw the man she needed to talk to.

                “Hey Clark, just the man I was looking for.”

* * *

                 Oliver was walking by the back of the lab during his morning break, whistling to himself.  He really was the best here and the smartest obviously because one day Doctor Brennan would step down and he would be the obvious choice to take over for her and make his mark.  He deserved the job, not indecisive Arastoo, people pleaser Wendell, or annoying Daisy.

                Jessica was his match in every way.  It bothered him that her IQ was eight points higher than his and she got into Mensa and he didn’t.  However, she was gorgeous and the two of them together could rule anthropology, with him as number one of course.

                She rebuked him every time he asked her out or tried to enlighten her about his prowess in all aspects.  There was that short time he couldn’t get it up, but it was best forgotten.  He was frustrated that he got shit from the other interns at the lab and others in the museum when she kept rejecting him.  If she would have just slept with him once, he wouldn’t have to lie to save face.

                He was about to go back to the main hub when he heard raised voices.  He couldn’t help himself as he got closer.  When he recognized who it was, he tip toed closer to listen.

                _“Aubrey, I said I was sorry for last night.”_

_“Sorry?  Sorry?  It’s bad enough you phoned it in last night while we made love, but to call out his name?  Of all people, that jack ass.  You probably picture him, too.  Is that why you made me dance for you in my boxers to that stupid song?”_

_“Aubrey, I didn’t mean to yell Oliver’s name and no, I’m not picturing him when we’re together.”_

_“It’s just like that case a month ago at the halfway house.  I saw you giving the eye to one of the prisoners.  It’s like I’m never enough for you.”_

_“Aubrey, I’m not checking out anyone, especially a prisoner.”_

_“You know, I think you need someone who is more exotic and adventurous than an ordinary FBI agent.”_

_“Aubrey, no, please….”_

_“I think we need to cool it for a while.  I-I’ll talk to you soon, okay.”_

                Oliver watched as Aubrey walked away from Jessica, leaving her standing there alone.   _‘I knew she digged me and was only playing hard to get.  Now, I just have to make my move.’_

                Deciding to take a shot, he walked over.  “Jessica, what’s wrong?”

                The redhead turned to him before walking away.  “Nothing, Oliver.  Leave me alone.”

                “I saw Aubrey just dump you.  What a douche bag.”

                Jessica stopped and turned around before coming back to Oliver.  “I just—I just want to please him.  A guy can’t even look at me without him freaking out about it.  It’s bad enough we can only have sex in his bedroom at night with the curtains drawn.  To make it worse, when I orgasm, I can’t yell because it disturbs the neighbors.”

                Oliver gave a face of fake sympathy.  “Wow…that is sooo not you.”

                Jessica sat on the edge of the wall.  “I know…and you know what’s worse?  I’m still super horny from last night.  Aubrey and I fought before he left and I woke up late so I didn’t have time to…take care of myself.”

                Oliver saw an opportunity.  “You know…”

                “What, Oliver?”

                “Since you are now single, and I’m single, we could find a way to…relieve your tension.”

                “Wow!”  Jessica said before standing up in anger.  “Just when I thought you were trying to be a friend, you’re trying to get me into bed.”

                “No!  No, I’m not.  I swear.”  Oliver said before blocking her path.  “I—Jessica, I—“

                “What, Oliver?  I’m not in the mood.”

                “No, I’m just saying that…if you want to stick it to him, you and I can do it in whatever fantasy you want.  That will show Aubrey for not appreciating you.”

                Jessica couldn’t look the other scientist in the eye.  “I don’t know, Oliver…”

                “Trust me, Jessica.  You need to make Aubrey eat his words.”

                Jessica smoothed out her dress.  “I have to think about this, Oliver.”

                “Sure, sure, do that.  I’m here all day today.  Just let me know.  I want to help you, Jessica.”

                The redhead gave a faint smile.  “Thank you.  It’s nice to see that under that asshole exterior lies a good man.”

                “I’ll give you some time alone.”  Oliver said before leaving. 

                “Thank you.”

                When Oliver disappeared, Jessica looked behind her as Aubrey skulked out from behind the wall.  They gave each other a smile before the FBI agent left to get back to the Hoover.

* * *

               Walking back into the main part of the lab, Oliver had a big smile on his face.  As he turned the corner, he saw Arastoo and Wendell whispering and laughing.

               “Doctor Vaziri.  What brings you here today?”

                Arastoo turned to Oliver.  “Um, I’m talking to my friend before I go see my girlfriend.  Got a problem with that?”

                “No problem.  Pretty sad you have to check on Doctor Saroyan.  Don’t trust her now that she broke it off with the photographer guy, do you?”  Oliver said hoping to bring the anthropologist down a peg or two.

                “I trust her, but unlike you I have friends here I hang out with.”  Arastoo said before turning to Wendell.  “So the game starts at 8:05.  I’ll grab you and Clark about 6:00 and we can head right there for food and pre-game drinks.  Cool?”

                Wendell gave the other man a fist bump.  “Sounds good, dude.”

                “Some Muslim you are, boozing it up at a game.”

                Wendell turned to Oliver.  “Clark and I drink the beer.  He drinks other stuff.  Dude, do you really not have anything better to do than be a douche to everyone?”

                Oliver watched his two colleagues walk away, pushing down his moment of envy at their friendship.  “I have plenty to do around here.  I’m going to do something important now…assholes.”

* * *

                During his lunch, Oliver got a text on his phone.

                **_Meet me in Bone Room 1:00.  Jessica._**

Looking at his watch, he saw it was 12:50 PM.  Finishing up, he cleaned up his spot and rushed downstairs, where he found the redhead going over remains.  Walking in, he stopped when he was close to her.

                “Ms. Warren, you needed to speak to me.”

                Jessica turned around from typing on the nearby laptop with a smile on her face.  “Yes, Doctor Wells.  Are we alone?”

                Oliver looked out the hallway and didn’t see anyone nearby.  He walked towards her until he was about a foot away.  “All clear.”

                 “Good.  I’ve been going over your proposition and I realize that you’re right.  Aubrey doesn’t appreciate or trust me.  We’re broken up now, so I can have sex with anyone I want.”

                She stepped towards him until she was inches from him.  “I want to do it with you.  Tonight.  In the storage room on Cleopatra’s bed.”

                “Here at the Jeffersonian?”  Oliver said before gulping.  _‘Wow, she wants to screw here?’_

“Here.”  Jessica said.  “Don’t you find that exciting…the danger of being caught?”

                “Wow…”

                “Surely, you’ve had sex somewhere naughty before.  Everyone has at some point.”

                Not wanting to look stupid, Oliver lied.  “Of course.  Never been caught, either.”

                “I’m not sure when yet or what I want exactly, but I will let you know, okay?”

                "I'll be here." Oliver said, anticipation rising in him.  _'I get to nail Jessica! Yes! Screw you doofus FBI agent.'_

"Okay, wow, it's time for my lunch break.  See you later."

                Jessica walked out of the office with a smile on her face as Oliver watched her legs as she walked out.

                _“I get to tap that later.  I get to tap that later.  I get to tap that later.  Booyah!’_

* * *

                It was 6:15 PM and Oliver was thinking that Jessica forgot about their plans when she came out out of the Bone Room.

                “Hey there, Oliver.”

                Oliver sauntered over like a peacock.  “Hey yourself.”

                “Sorry I’ve waited so long.  I wanted to make sure everyone left first.  I checked and we’re the only ones in the lab now.”

                “Nice.”  Oliver said before he went to kiss her, but Jessica dodged him.

                “Nuh uh, not until I get what I want.”

                “All right lady.  What deliciously naughty idea did you come up with?”

                Jessica thought for a moment.  “I want a striptease first like the one Aubrey was supposed to give me last night, but you might think the song I want is stupid.”

                “Hey, a true man can rise to the occasion, no matter what the circumstances.”

                _‘Not all men, Oliver.’_   Jessica thought to herself.  “That is very true.”

                “What else?”  Oliver asked.

                “I also want to record it so I can show Aubrey what he’s missing.”  Jessica said.  “Can you handle that, Doctor Wells?”

                Oliver felt stirrings at the tone Jessica used to say his name.  “I will do what it takes to get between your creamy thighs.”

                _‘Ewwww.’_   Jessica said to herself before snapping back.  “So you will let me record your striptease and us having sex?”

                “Hell yeah, little lady.  What song will get you all hot and bothered?”

                “Promise you won’t laugh?”  Jessica said with a reluctant tone.

                “No, I won’t.”

                “It’s not one a person would pick to strip to…”  Jessica replied.

                “Don’t worry about it.  I can do anything.”  Oliver said.

                “Okay.”  Jessica said before grabbing her phone out with her earbuds.  Giving them to Oliver, she waited until they were in his ears before playing.

                This is not a song he was expecting…not at all, especially since he hadn’t heard it since he was a teenager.  Oliver was about to say no to Jessica when he saw her itching her shoulder and a peek of a black bra strap showed through.  The thought of his lips on that creamy skin overrode his sense of propriety.

                Taking out the earbuds, he handed the music back to her.  “I can so do this.”

                “Okay, I am going to hit the locker room quick to remove…unnecessary clothing.”

                “I can do that for you.”  Oliver said, but was stopped by Jessica.

                “We still have to be careful and not be in there longer then we should be.  Besides, I need to grab a condom from my purse.”

                “Why?”  Oliver asked.  He was about to elaborate when Jessica exploded.

                “You expect me to have unprotected sex!  Fuck you, Oliver!  I will never have sex without a condom.”

                _‘Oh shit!’_   Oliver thought.  “Wait, I meant I have some—“

                “No, I only use the ones I have.  I had an experience once…please don’t ask me to go into it, but let’s just say I don’t trust any condoms unless I bring them.”

                _‘Don’t fuck this up, dude.  It’s been tooooo long.’_   The anthropologist thought.  _‘Make her happy.’_

“Sure…sure, whatever works for you.”

                “Good.”  Jessica said.  “I’ll be in there in five minutes and you can start recording when I walk in.  I put a Bluetooth speaker in there, so when I start the music, start dancing and do exactly what I tell you.  Understand?”

                “Perfectly.”

                “See you soon.”  Jessica said before walking into the locker room.

* * *

                Oliver stood in front of the bed.  Seeing the camera, he pushed record and began talking.

                “Agent James Aubrey.  By the time you watch this, I will have properly jostled your ex-girlfriend’s genital organs and given her multiple orgasms.  See, you have to expand your mind to keep up with women.  I always knew Jessica could do better than an FBI agent and she will in a few minutes…and you get to watch.  Enjoy the show.”

                Oliver heard the door open and close.  Suddenly, Milli Vanilli’s _Girl You Know It’s True_ began to play.

                “Sing along with the chorus each time, Oliver.”  Jessica said as she came into the view. 

                Oliver started gyrating to the first verse of the song but when the chorus started, he sang off-key but enthusiastically.

                **_Girl, you know it's true ooh, ooh, ooh I love you_**  
**_Yes, you know it's true ooh, ooh, ooh I love you_**  
**_Girl, you know it's true my love is for you_**  
**_Girl, you know it's true my love is for you_**

         Jessica had to bite her lip to keep from laughing as Oliver stripped off his shirt and continued to dance.  She knew she wouldn’t last much longer.

              “Get those pants off, Oliver!  Whoo Hoo!”

            As he got closer to the third chorus, Jessica couldn’t wait any longer.  “I can’t take it anymore, Oliver.  After you sing the chorus and shake your hinny at me, turn around and come to me when I tell you.  I have nothing on under this dress.”

            “Yes!”

            As Oliver gyrated in his boxers, Clark, Arastoo, Wendell, and Aubrey snuck out from behind the bed and other artifacts with their phones pointing at the dancing anthropologist.  The four men were barely able to record from holding back their hysterical laughter as the agent took Jessica’s phone from her and held it up as well.  She decided it was time.

            “I want you now, Oliver!”

            “You got me!”  Oliver yelled as he turned around.  When he saw the four men standing there with cameras along with a flash, he freaked out.  “AIIIEEEEE!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!”

            Jessica turned off the music from the Bluetooth speaker and the only sound heard was the guys leaning up against Egyptian artifacts laughing so hard their stomach hurt. 

“Wait, why is Aubrey here?”  Oliver shrieked.

            Jessica walked over to her boyfriend and gave Aubrey a passionate kiss before turning around and taking her phone from him.  “Because he’s my boyfriend.”

            “And he thinks you’re a dick.”  Aubrey finished.

            Jessica looked at her phone.  “Great job with the picture, Superman.”

            “You’re welcome.”

            “So we’re not having revenge sex to stick it to Aubrey?”  Oliver said as the reality of the situation settled.

            “Nope.”

            “So that fight I overheard…”

            "Staged. I know you take your walk around the same time every day, so Aubrey came over and hid first in the garage and then Doctor B's office until Arastoo called him to come in."

            Oliver pointed at Arastoo.  "You said you were visiting Doctor Saroyan!  "You lied!"

            “No, I didn’t.”  Arastoo said smoothly.  “I merely multitasked.”

            Suddenly, the gravity of the situation weighed in on him.  “Wait…you’re not going to show this to anyone, are you?” 

            “You would deserve it.”  Wendell said.

            “You’re a pompous ass, Oliver.”  Arastoo said.

            “And you need to taken down a peg or two.”  Clark countered.

            “Wait, you can’t show me…if this gets out I’ll be the laughingstock of the Jeffersonian…you can’t show anyone.”

            Jessica walked up two steps to face Oliver.  “Why Doctor Wells, you look absolutely terrified.  You’re usually so…confident.”

            “You can’t show that video to people.”

            “I can’t because my phone only has a picture.”  Jessica said before turning to face the guys.  “But they can and they will…unless you cooperate.”

            “Whatever it is you want, name it and it’s yours.  How about money?  I have plenty of it from my trust fund?”

            “I don’t need any money.”  Jessica said before turning around.  “Do you guys need money?”

            The men all shook their heads before Aubrey spoke up.  “To do that is extortion and that’s a crime.  As a federal agent, I have to uphold the law.”

            “Okay, how about favors?  I will owe all of you one favor.”

            “That’s tempting, but I can’t trust you to come through.  What about you guys?”  Jessica asked when she turned around.

            “Nope.  You’re full of shit half the time Oliver.”  Wendell said.

            “If I need anything, I have others I can ask.”  Arastoo said.

            “I run my own department and I’m your boss when you’re there.”  Clark said.  “I can have you do stuff whenever I want.”

            “I carry a gun.”  Aubrey said.

            “What then?  What the hell do you want so those videos stay hidden?”

            “You could stop commenting on my religion.”  Arastoo said.

            "You could stop trying to prove you know more than my girlfriend about nursing every time she visits here." Wendell said.

“You could stop telling the freshmen students who come in that you’re the head of the Cultural Anthropology department.”  Clark added.

            “And stop asking me out on dates.”  Jessica said.  “However, we did talk, Oliver and those things among others were mentioned.  However, all of us here came to a consensus and decided on one thing.”

            “W-what’s that?”

            Aubrey stepped forward.  “You know, Booth is really, really pissed about the stunt you pulled with Christine’s report card and goading Doctor B into making that voice message.”

            “Yeah, accusing a six year old of lying on her art grade and getting Hodgins to test the ink to prove it?”  Wendell said.  “Dude, that’s really lame.”

            “You just had to make Doctor B feel bad, didn’t you?  You can’t stand that you will never be as good as her.”  Arastoo said.

            “She’s the reason I’m where I’m at today, Oliver.”  Clark said.  “She can be arrogant and hard-nosed sometimes, but she’s also the best and willing to teach you.  That’s why you’re an intern here, not a Doctor in Anthropology.”

            “Yes, Oliver, we recognize that douchiness is inbred into you.”  Jessica said.  “However, we are willing to put our quibbles with you aside and make sure this video never sees the light of day.”

            “But you have to make things right with Doctor B.”  Aubrey said.

            “Fine.  How.”

            “Jessica, you’re the one who came up with the idea, so you should have the privilege of telling him.”  Clark said.

            “Thank you, Clark.”  Jessica said.

            As she outlaid the terms, Oliver’s mouth dropped and his face turned pale.  “No way, no way in hell.”

            “Well then, I’m sure we can arrange a screening of this video for everyone in the sit room at the Hoover.  There’s a pop and snack machine in the break room.”  Aubrey said.

            “We could bring popcorn.”  Wendell said.

            “Sour Patch Kids, man.  Movie is not a movie without those.” Clark chimed in.

            “Fine! Fine!”  Oliver yelled.  “I’ll do it.”

            “Good.”  Jessica said before looking at her phone. 

            “Wait, one more thing.”  Aubrey said.  Walking up to Oliver, he quickly pulled his arm behind his back and pinned his head to the bed.

            "I know I can't stop you from looking and thinking about Jessica, so I won't even try. However, if you make one more comment about the sex you're not having with her, her underwear, her work here at the Jeffersonian, speculations about her education, or anything that makes her look bad in the slightest, I will find you, Doctor Wells. When I do, I will first break both your arms. Then, I will shove my foot so far up your ass my shoe will come out of your mouth. Do I make myself clear?"

            “Y-yes.”  Oliver said in pain.

            “Jessica’s plan is the only reason you’re still breathing right now.  You understand that, right?”

            “Yes, yes!  God you’re hurting my arm.”

            Aubrey exhaled before letting him go.  “I think I made my point.”

            Jessica looked at her phone.  “Hey, it’s almost 7:00 guys.  You should head over to the ballpark.”

            “Yeah, we’re out of here.”  Arastoo said.

            “Sorry you guys will get shitty parking tonight.”  Aubrey said.

            “Dude, for this, it’s worth it.”  Wendell said before the three went out the door.

            “Oh wow, Aubrey, we’re going to miss our reservations at the Indonesian restaurant.”  Jessica said.

            “Not to worry, I pushed them back to 7:30, just in case.”

            “Such a good boyfriend.”  Jessica said with a smile before giving Aubrey a kiss.

            “I try.”

            Jessica turned to Oliver.  “You may want to get dressed.  I think the security guards makes his rounds in about fifteen minutes.  Good night.”

            The polymath watched as the couple held hands as they walked out and could hear them.

            _“Superman, the way you took him down was so hot.”_

_“Wait until I take you down later.”_

            Jessica’s giggle was the last thing Oliver heard before the door shut.  He growled to himself for being so stupid to fall for their trick.

            “Damn it.”

* * *

** Saturday May 28th, Nationals Park **

                The Jeffersonian lab along with Aubrey and Booth were in one of the Washington Suites at Nationals Park enjoying the Nationals play the Cardinals.  It was a gift from the Jeffersonian for all the good publicity the lab had brought to the museum.

                Hodgins and Angela were talking to Booth and a recovered Brennan at one of the tables.  In another part of the room, Cam and Arastoo were talking to Clark and his date while Daisy acted as bartender with her new boyfriend.  In a corner Oliver brooded as he watched Aubrey with Jessica on his lap eating off the rest of his food from the _Taste of the World_ pregame feast as they sat with Wendell and Andie in a set of chairs.

                “Aubrey, was there anything left for other ticket holders?”  Andie said as a joke.

                “Of course.”  The agent said while Jessica picked off his plate while holding a beer.  “I’m not selfish.  I share food with Jessica.”

                “That’s important, Dude.”  Wendell said with a chuckle.

                "Don't make fun of Aubrey. He works hard and burns a lot of energy." Jessica said before looking at her boyfriend with a sly smile.  When she heard the announcements at the beginning of the 5th inning, Jessica got up. "Hey, grab Doctor B and the others to the window."

                As Clark and Wendell got everyone to come around, Jessica and Aubrey walked over to Oliver, who was nursing a beer.

                “Come on, Doctor Wells.  Share in the glory.”  Aubrey said.

                “No thank you.  I’ve been humiliated enough, thank you.”  Olive said petulantly.

                “Wow, Aubrey, have you seen my phone?  I might have lost it in the bathroom and I haven’t added a security code to it yet.”

                “Fine!  I’m going.”

                The couple smiled at each other before heading to the window.  When the announcer welcomed the Jeffersonian, they howled and whistled.  Then the next message surprised all as they announced Doctor Brennan, but it was the message underneath that got the other’s attention.

                **_Best Bone Doc Ever.  Dr. Oliver Wells 2 nd rate Forever._**

                Brennan turned to Oliver.  “Doctor Wells…I’m surprised to say the least.”

                “I know.  I think it’s really cool Oliver donated $100.00 to charity so he could tell you how wonderful you are.  Wendell, did you get to hear Oliver’s voicemail message?”  Jessica asked.

                “I did and it was really nice.  Doctor B, have you heard it yet?”

                Brennan stiffened.  “I don’t care to hear his voicemail thank you.”  The tone that was sonorous two weeks ago now was like nails on a chalkboard to the anthropologist.

                “No, Oliver changed it last week.  I think you’ll appreciate it Doctor Brennan.”  Clark said before dialing his phone.  While it rang, he hit the speaker phone.

                _“You’ve reached the phone of Oliver Wells, anthropologist in training to Doctor Temperance Brennan, the world’s most experienced, qualified, and knowledgeable forensic anthropologist in the world.  I have much to learn from her and the other people at the Jeffersonian lab.”_

                _“I hope to become half as good as Doctor Brennan in at least ten years.  Leave a message at the beep.”_   Jessica, Aubrey, Clark, Wendell, and Arastoo mouthed along with the message.

                “Well, Doctor Wells.  I’m glad that you now recognize that you are still learning.”

                “Of course, but anthropology is still a subject that I excel at.  In fact—“

                Oliver stopped when he saw Aubrey, Jessica, Clark, Arastoo, and Wendell in some way each show their phones in view with smiles on their faces.  Stopping his thought, he backtracked.  “In fact, I have much to learn from you.”

                “Good.”

                “Okay, no more mushy stuff.”  Booth said bringing back beers for himself and Hodgins.  “Time to watch the game!”

* * *

                 “Arastoo, what’s going on?”  Cam asked.  “I saw the looks you gave to Wendell, Doctor Edison, Aubrey, and Jessica.”

                “Nothing, Cam.”

* * *

                 “Wendell, are you guys ever going to tell the others about what you did?” Andie asked lowly as the couple two grabbed their beers.

                “Nope.”  The anthropologist said.  “Doctor B deserves today.  I don’t think we should spoil it.  That’s what Booth said when Aubrey and Jessica told him.”

* * *

                 Jessica had finished her beer when Aubrey brought her another one.  “Thanks, Boyfriend.”

                “You’re welcome.”

                The redhead pointed to Doctor Brennan, who looked relaxed and happy.  “I’m glad they were able to prove Christine didn’t cheat.”

                “I’m even happier that that slimebag Oliver got what was coming to him.”

                Jessica took a drink.  “You know he will probably still hit on me, right?”

                Aubrey put his arm around Jessica.  “I know, but that’s okay.  I’m the only one who sees what underneath your dresses at the lab.”

                “I forgot to tell you.  I’m wearing a certain pair of panties tonight…”

                The agent looked at Jessica’s black capri pants.  “The panties with—“

                “Oh yeah, but they will have to wait until after the game.  Perhaps we should go to your place tonight.  You do live closer.”

                “That’s an affirmative, Ms. Warren.”

                Jessica kissed her boyfriend.  “I love you, Aubrey.”

                “I love you, too Jessica.  Now, let’s watch some baseball.”  Aubrey said before dragging her to a couple of window seats.  “It’s not the Cubs, but the Nationals are okay.”                     


End file.
